There, Back, and Everything in Between

Hi amigos! 🙂

I have finally realized that I should stop apologizing to you about not writing enough and accept that if I am not motivated enough, then writing stuff isn’t great anyway. I love feeling inspired and I’ve done a lot of side quests in the last 12 months which I am going to talk about more later. So instead of a “I’m sorry” you’re going to get a “It’s been a while, but we’re here now”.

And ‘here’ is back at the field station in the remote Peruvian Rainforest working again with the undergraduates and research assistants (RA’s). We back baby! It was a hard year for everyone involved in science or many parallel things. Most of the issues came down to the funding – or the lack thereof – and where the emphasis is within research and organizations that support conservation. Nevertheless we pushed through and are back now for another fun field season in the jungle!

Once again I created a video to show my everyday living and daily life here at the field station (Los Amigos Biological Station). You can watch my ~3 seconds a day video below of my 5 months spent here last year. It is always so emotional making these videos after leaving a place I love so much and the people that mean so much to me. And the following months of me showing all my friends and family brings up all the emotions that you forget to process or just don’t have time for until after. It is a weird melancholy kind of feeling where I am both sad and happy in the exact same moment. These videos are also a way that I can remind myself to think of something in the moment. To journal every day in a way. Something that I can look back at and see the big picture, but when making it I can see the real time memories.

I hope you love it as much as I do! I’m already in the process in making another one this season.

To recap a little about last year after seeing the video… well it was a hard one. Mostly mentally really. To be honest with you guys it was the first time since around 2018 that I tried to get off my Prozac and feel what life is like off them. I can tell you it was very very hard at first. I had horrible headaches, anger spells, brain zaps (kind of like feeling dizzy/dehydrated), horrible nightmares, and some other symptoms. This all started around 4 weeks after stopping the medication because out of all the SSRI meds this one has the longest half-life meaning it takes a while to fully get out of your system. Though the rainforest was the best option in my opinion to stop them, because I knew exactly what I was putting in my body in terms of food, I have a very rigid schedule, less stimuli, and was able to focus on my mind more. So after finally getting over all the symptoms which took roughly 8 weeks to stop it started to get better. I was more intune with my emotions and how I was really feeling. It was the first time as a fully developed adult that I was processing emotions without having a pill that would just make me happy – or numb some of the harder emotions. I don’t think it was ever bad for me, and I needed it a lot throughout college. But I wanted to try to see how life was off of them and I’m very glad I tried it. Because even now I haven’t needed to get back on them and I feel more like Luke. 🙂

But the rest of the season in terms of work was busy busy busy. I was on 3 different teams. I was helping with trapping the monkeys, and in charge of follows (where you track the monkeys using radio telemetry), and in charge of our CTT node grid (the receivers that would pick up the signal from the collars in the canopy). I was trying to juggle all 3 and also to remember to have some time for myself. It was definitely one of those periods where I was grinding with work and didn’t see much else. I didn’t get to do as much as I wanted to do that was fun. It made me a better leader and researcher and really helped me learn to prioritize the processes that mattered most. I made some really good friendships, collected a lot of data, and really found my niche as a wildlife researcher. It kind of flew by. Lots of joyful memories. Lots of exhausting days. Many times where I had to just push through. I was very proud of myself near the end of the season being able to participate in so many things that I love. I also really love teaching others to find their passion in their careers, and show them that there isn’t just one route they have to follow. So many times I have found that I get so much more out of a class, experience, etc. if I had someone who cared and nurtured me. I always tried my best to be that person for the research assistants all season. I got into this field because I wanted to work with animals more than people and yet I think I realized that I actually like the human interaction part (as long as it deals with science) just as much as I love doing the research part. I’m a people person. I love seeing people succeed and find their love. It’s just something that’s built deep into me and no matter what I do I can’t change that – nor do I want to.

But as the season closed I was able to go to a close friend’s wedding in Lima. It was perfect since the students were leaving the day after I needed to be in Lima for Sofia’s wedding. One of my best friends, James, also wanted to come to Peru to see the rainforest and hang out with me. So he met me in Lima to be my plus 1 to the wedding which was SO FUN! My first Peruvian wedding included so much dancing and delicious food. James and I were about to leave around midnight from the reception when we heard everyone get so loud. Our Uber was 5 minutes out. I take a peek back on the dance floor and I see Spiderman and girl Deadpool having a dance off in the middle of everyone. So what did we do you might ask? Yeah – we cancelled that Uber real quick and hopped back on the dancefloor. It’s called “Hora Loca” which means crazy hour and it’s very common in weddings in Peru. This was a first for me haha. The performers brought balloons, props, and played games like limbo where the whole dancefloor joined in. Overall, a wonderful wedding filled with a full heart as I got to watch a dear friend marry the man she loves while catching up with friends.

This past year really has been a weird one for me. Some of my best times and some of my worst. I continue to learn so much about myself in ways I had no idea.

Failures.

Wins.

Heartbreak.

Love.

Challenges.

Perspectives.

Seasons.

Friendships.

Hard work.

Instinct.

Family.

Risks.

Future.

Passion.

Confusion.

Pride.

Growth.

and so much more…

The time after the field station was a whole challenge, returning to society when I already struggle with reverse culture shock and now going into Fall/Winter when my seasonal depression always kicks in anyway. I began to read more, start new journals, work out, and get back into some things that filled up my cup. I joined an adult soccer league, and became a member in a symphonic band – which I haven’t done since 2020. I also quickly realized I wanted to start my own paper dealing with the CTT collars and Nodes which I had been working with the last 2 years in Peru. All of this were things that made me feel more like me. I buckled down on things that Luke wanted to do and things that challenged me. While also having a good ass time doing it. The things that make you feel human. It’s such a wonderful feeling doing those creative and physical outlets that really make you feel seen and valued.

I did just have a huge accomplishment of mine that I have been wanting to do for a while now. I finally published a research article with one of my close friends and colleagues last week. I was always taught in college that publishing isn’t really possible if you aren’t a part of academia in some fashion. Well I proved them wrong, and honestly myself. I have been pushing myself to get to this point for a while now and it is one of the hardest things to do since everything I want to work on outside of the field has to be done in my free time since I am not a part of a program and not getting paid to write something up. Well – here it is. This is from data I helped collect back in 2024 during the summer with my friend Silvia. She was someone I looked up to and loved to work with and then became even closer throughout the remainder of the field season last year as she came back to lead the primate trapping project with myself and Isabel (a veterinarian). Both of them were my team mates and best friends here. Honestly the best combo there is.

The name of the article is:
Responses to Scent Marks in a Wild Group of Leontocebus Weddelli: Insights for Sexual Communication
This was done by following a specific group of Saddleback Tamarins for 12 hours a day watching their every move and behaviors to look for scent marks and who responded to them. It is all about communication both within their own groups (Intraspecific communication) and also with outside groups who bordered their territories (Interspecific communication).

I did all of this during my free time back in North Carolina when I wasn’t working at Walgreens. I was there full time and when I wasn’t working I was seeing friends, hanging out with my nephew and family, and exploring new places. I got out of a very toxic relationship right before Thanksgiving which was really hard going into the holiday season. It was one of those ones where afterwards you have this huge weight lifted off you and the lenses come off so you can truly see the situation as it was, not blinded by love or infatuation. I did a lot of work on myself after that and what I wanted in life; where I wanted to live, some things that I wouldn’t stand for moving forward, and to highlight the people around me who matter the most. I have finally realized that I might not be the best responder or text/call people back quickly. But I will say, when the time comes I will be there for my friends and family. I have been trying to find that balance where you stick up for yourself and learn to say no sometimes with doing things in the moment and living life to the fullest. That’s a fine line and it is constantly changing based on your surroundings and what your goals are for the chapter you’re going through.

I also was one of the people who was a sucker for the ‘not looking for something, yet something showed up anyway’ phrase. While healing I met my now current boyfriend, David, and went on a few dates and quickly realized I liked him a lot. I was pretty set that I needed to do more healing before I was able to start something new, but I guess with the right people that isn’t the case – and if anything it’s the opposite. They help you heal more, and even better – you heal together! Dating in this period of our timeline on this earth is quite hard. There are endless opportunities, fabricated accounts, and just a whole bunch of surface level fluff. It’s really hard trying to find someone who you mesh well with. This is a topic I know myself and many friends are always talking about. It’s something that is only getting harder and harder the more people are absorbed into social media (Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, etc.). So many new jobs that are centered around being an influencer or adjacent roles. It’s actually kind of funny when you think about what social media was 10 years ago. So many people now chase this influencer status and honestly get lost in the present. I have to constantly remind myself that here and now is the most important. The past is gone and the future is everchanging and unknown. What you do know is where you are right now and all the people that matter that are around you. It’s easy to get lost in the chase of something that is in the future and forget that the journey to get there is just as important.

The next pictures are from when I left the field season and went to Puerto Rico and then back home to North Carolina:

Below has been the start of the 2026 field season:

A friendly reminder that you should go outside and put your phone down more:

Go adventure and make some new fun memories this summer!

All the best

Luke